happy-sad thoughts!

I'm a Lola's Girl ever since...

I grow up with my lola and has always been with her side since I was little. I'm their first apo kasi and that's on both sides of my parents. But I'm really close sa Nanay ko (which is my lola on my mother side). There was even a time na mas pinili kong sumama sa lola ko kesa sa mom ko. My mom understand though and they all know how attached I am with Nanay.

Not until highschool... I guess I'm sophomore that time when they migrated to the states. It was one hell of a day and I cried hard. It's as if a piece of me... was gone. One good thing though is that they would visit the family every other year or once every two years (if I remember it right). But when most of the family migrated in the US and my mom and dad was left here in the Philippines, the dalaw thing got less frequent lalo na that both lolo and lola is tumatanda na. May be they were advised by the doctor too. She had a bypass operation and after years when she's allowed to travel, she let me see the cut, and it was long... upper chest down to her abdomen I guess. Then another cut was on her leg (I can't remember if its on her right or left). That's where the doctor took the veins that was used for her heart. A lot of things happened and of course I can't (not ready) tell it publicly.

The last time she was here in the Philippines, I went home for a vacation too. I feel so relieved and endless happiness came rushing in. The sad part though was that she can't remember much. At that time, medyo hindi pa ganun ka lala yong pagkamakalimutin niya. But I did experienced it talaga nung nagvacation sila. There was this time na bumili kami sa phamarcy ng gamot nila ng lolo ko, wiling-wili siya sa pakikipagkwentuhan sa pharmacist and about sa spanish time yong ni kwento and she keeps on introducing me as her "Pamangkin". Nakalimutan niya na apo niya ko. Minsan naman sa house, she's too worried and stress looking for something. I asked her, "Nanay, ano hinahanap mo?" then she said, she can't seem to find her glasses. I was like natahimik and naaawa na nalulungkot coz' she's wearing it. Before that, while nasa byahe pa lang daw sila going to the Philippines, sa loob ng eroplano hindi siya mapakali. Then Tatay asked her bakit, sagot niya kasi ang tagal daw dahil yong mga pananim niya na gulay sa garden pipitasin na niya.

Right now, my lola was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease. It runs in our family. Her mom's sister died with that illness too. Naabutan ko din yong lola naming yon. So sad talaga. Now, my lola doesn't even know how to pee at times. Naiihi lang siya basta-basta and that's one thing na nawawala sa taong may alzheimer's disease. Kahit pag-ihi... tae.. etc. nakakalimutan nila. Minsan daw she was seen by a neighbor wandering around. Good thing talaga nakita siya dahil kung hind baka kung san san siya napadpad. Now, she forgot her kids and I don't know what else she doesn't remember. She will be visiting us again by months end. My Tita and Tatay will accompany her.

We miss her a lot! the Nanay we came to grow up with! We Love you Nanay, SO MUCH ♥

It's so sad na darating ang araw, hindi ka na makikilala ng taong mahal mo. That that person will forget every single details about you... even those stuffs that person is used to of doing. But I'm pretty sure, mas masakit yon sa part ng family ng taong yon' mismo. Ikaw ba naman makalimutan ng mahal mo? Diba?

I'll blog about Alzheimer's Disease separately!